Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
