I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
