Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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