Don't you send me to vm
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
