i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
