i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
