my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
