he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
