Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
last night I used snow as a chaser
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
