rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
