a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This gyro tastes like lonliness
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
