I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
A+ Viking dick
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
