He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
