Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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