We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
