1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize