UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we're making bets on your personal life
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
