Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
