I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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