I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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