so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
