I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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