Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
