Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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