giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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