ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
