Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
