A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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