my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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