Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
