Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
