omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
