So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
