I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
