oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
