my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
