Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
