I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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