This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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