I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
