we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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