Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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