so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
