he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
