8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
