Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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