How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize