I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
