When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
