I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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