Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
