we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
