Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
