I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
