I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
