I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
