Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
