You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
