I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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