i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
kristin has been a bad kristin
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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