Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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