I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
