I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
