I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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