just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
