this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
