My nipple is on Facebook.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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