can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize