Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
