Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
