She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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