Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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