Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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