Just cropdusted the office
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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