I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
