i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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