her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
